The 5 Love Languages and Why They Matter So Much

❤️   How do we stay intimate and connected with the people closest to us?

❤️   How do we communicate our love and appreciation for those in our lives?

❤️   How do we meet our friends, family and partner’s needs, while also getting our needs met?

If any of these questions sound familiar, you’re not alone. While we focus on and talk a lot about physical health and well-being, the emotional health and well-being of a person is just as important. A big part of emotional health is the relationships you’re in, as they are a big influence in your life.

I’m sure a lot of us are familiar with the five love languages and how they impact our relationships, but if you’re not, or you’d like more information on them, this blog post is perfect for you. 

Every single person gives and receives love in a different way. The key to loving people is speaking their love language so that they most effectively receive the love you are giving them.

When you can identify your giving and receiving love language and are able to identify it in the people close to you, your personal relationships will improve dramatically.

Sometimes we get lucky and happen to give and receive love the same way as those important to us, but that isn’t always the case. Knowing other people’s love language is especially helpful because whatever relationship you are investing in, there will be a mutual feeling of needs that are being met.

When you know how someone receives love, you don’t have to guess at how to show your love, you’ll know what to do.

The five love languages are; physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts.

Keep in mind, these apply to both how you give love to others and how you receive love from others. Both are equally important and can change your perspective on your relationship seemingly overnight. Most people will speak and receive more than one type of love language, but most people have a primary, then secondary language.

Let’s break each of the languages down further to gain more clarity on what suits you best.    

❤️   Physical touch is everything from hugs, kisses, cuddling, hand holding, intimate time, and little things like back scratches, reassuring squeezes, and being touched in a way that feels good and healthy. 

If physical touch is how you receive love, you’re ​someone who loves a good hug and you feel connected to and reassured by physical touch from those that you love. All human beings need some sort of physical touch to maintain healthy levels of brain chemicals (dopamine, serotonin, etc.) but the amount will vary based on every person.

If your partner receives love through physical touch, making a conscious effort to show up for them physically is important. Take the time to cuddle and hold them, touch their arm while talking, offer them a massage, and not skip the early morning cuddles. These people just want to feel held and thrive off pure contact, you’re not going to smother them by giving them too many hugs.

If this is your primary love language, but not your partners, communicate to them how much little signs of physical affection boost your mood and soothe any worries you might have. Sometimes all it takes is telling someone how you want to be loved, for them to recognize and adapt to that.

❤️  Words of affirmation is telling the person you love that they are doing a good job, communicating when they have done something worth being proud of, sharing your feelings about them, giving them compliments and verbally showing them that you appreciate and love them. 

If words of affirmation are how you receive love, you love being congratulated on a job well done, you like it when your partner notices your new haircut and compliments it, ​it’s important when someone shows valid interest in what you have to say, you appreciate taking the time to sit and talk with someone, and just being recognized verbally is a big deal in how you feel loved. 

If your partner receives love through words of affirmation, giving them verbal attention is huge for them to feel loved and connected to you. Telling them when you’re proud of them, what they are doing well, letting them know that you see their efforts, and offering verbal confirmation of that goes a long way towards making them feel intimate with you. They will never feel like you’re giving them too many compliments, they love to hear when you’re interested in what they have to say and when they’re doing a good job. 

❤️  Receiving gifts is a commonly misunderstood love language. This doesn’t make you a materialistic person, or a shallow one. Receiving gifts, something as small as getting a coffee you didn’t have to go get yourself, shows you that someone is thinking of you and cares about you.

 More than what is ​received, it’s about being remembered, heard, and thought of in a special way. The monetary value of a gift doesn’t matter, it’s the thought behind the gift itself. We all want to feel cared about and seen by others, and for some that is communicated best through little gifts. 

If receiving gifts is your love language, you love it when someone grabs your favorite chocolate bar for you when they stop at the gas station on their way home, you love getting a coffee when they get one for themselves, you enjoy random knick knacks or snacks that someone brings you because it reminded them of you, or they thought you would enjoy it. 

If your partner’s primary love language is receiving gifts, keep them in mind when you’re out shopping, or running errands. Spending $5 on bath salts at the store because you know your partner loves a good bath is a small way of communicating that you love and appreciate them. You don’t have to go broke to show your love, small thoughtful things mean a lot more to your partner than the money you spent on them.

❤️   Quality time is seen as one of the most basic relationship needs but goes a lot deeper for people whose primary love language is quality time.

Quality time is about being there with someone whether doing everyday tasks or having more intimate times together. This includes eating meals together, sitting with them while they work, offering to watch a movie with them, or prioritizing running errands together.

If quality time is your love language you love when your partner sets aside the time just to be with you, with undivided attention. This could be going out to eat, watching a show or movie, cooking dinner together, they take the time out of their day to make a conscious effort to make you a part of their day. 

If quality time is your partner’s love language then find time to show them they are a priority by asking them about their day, actively engaging them in conversations, showing interest in their interests, and giving them quality time with active listening. This makes your partner feel​ heard and loved.

❤️  Acts of service is doing something for someone so that they don’t have to.

The acts may include offering to run to the grocery store so you can keep working, offering to make you a snack so you can stay cozy on the couch, and making sure the coffee is brewed before you wake up in the morning. Acts of service is all about small actions that make another’s life feel a bit easier.

If acts of service is your primary love language, you love it when your partner takes care of small things that allow you to stress a little less or spend that extra hour of your day doing something for yourself instead of running errands. It is important to feel like your partner is your teammate and is working with you to make life less stressful. 

If acts of service is your partner’s primary love language, you’ll want to pick up little tasks off their to-do list to make them feel loved and appreciated. Offer to pick up the kids from school so they can go to the gym, offer to cook dinner so they can work a little longer, or vacuum the house before they even have a chance to. Doing these things communicates that your partner is on your mind and that you care about making their day just a bit easier.

All relationships are different, and all the people inside of them are wildly different, unique, and beautiful in their own ways.

Learning the ways you can speak to your partner and others through expressions of love is one of the healthiest ways to keep growing and evolving, both independently and in your relationships. Knowing about the love languages not only helps you love people easier,​but it also teaches you how you best receive love from others.

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